Tag Archives: facade

Living the Facade: She

And Eowyn answered: “All your words are but to say: you are a woman, your part is in the house. But when the man have died in battle and honor, you have leave to be burned in the house, for the men will need it no more. But I am of the House of Eorl and not a serving-woman. I can ride and wield blade, and I do not fear either pain or death.”

“What do you fear, lady?” he asked.

“A cage,” she said. “To stay behind bars, until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire.”

Excerpt from The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King   – J.R.R Tolkien

Stoic, hopeless, she looked at her reflection ornamented in red, stare back at her with questioning eyes.

The eyes accentuated with kohl, glistening with golden, bedecked with fake eyelashes that fluttered most sensuously had an almost inexplicable inquiring sadness to them – as if they cried shame over the cowardice of their owner, as if they mourned at the betrayal staged by the one who wielded them, as if they entreated the shattered soul to pull together and escape the guillotine that swayed ever so readily above their freedom.

Glittering in the gold that hung from her neck, basking in the ambiance of the gems that clustered her frail frame, bathing in refulgence of the red that was draped around her; she was although a bride, but in truth, happened to be just another caged bird: a bird that had been sheared off its dignity and independence,  shamelessly decorated and about to be handed over to a gaoler.

The heavy bangles weighed upon her hands seemed more like wrist irons, the gleaming necklace wrapped about her neck resembled more a noose in the process of being tightened, the red of her dress signified the sacrifice she was making to appease her family – yes, she was sacrificing. Sacrificing that exultant feeling of being free to take flight whenever she wanted to, that adrenaline-gushing sense of having no fetters bound to impede her flight, that moment of exaltation whenever she chose for herself and no choice was made on her behalf.

Moments fled and she, yet gazed, at her reflection most unerringly: apparently under the impression that mere staring could somehow warp her destiny into what she cherished from what she was being forced into.

The sadness in her eyes slowly gave away to revolt; that had remained once recumbent under folds of duty and obedience, surfaced – bringing with it something more desperate then dismay, something more plummeting then despair. It was a rage: a rage distinguished by the helplessness and vulnerability of her unfortunate position.

The upwelling of rage that gushed forth through her senses, was followed by the sickly rise of bile in her throat: her image as a red-garnished bride being nothing but a source of revulsion.

Despairingly, she clutched at the necklace she wore around her neck and tried to wrench it off – such frenzy embraced her that instead of simply unclasping the necklace, she sought to tear it apart: as if it was a rope that threatened to end her life as she had known it.

Glistening tears left dark smudges of kohl as they ran down her face; spluttering, she let go of the necklace and breathing heavily looked at her reflection, from which momentarily her attention had wavered.

Vicious it looked to her, with her hair messed up, her make-up ruined and her eyes wide in distress: but amid all the bestial shades that had crept up her face, an illusion transpired and for a moment she imagined herself in an open glade lined with lush trees; with her hair unfettered, flouncing in the wind and her frame gowned in simplicity – she, with freedom to take root wherever her heart strayed or to sever roots whenever her heart desired.

Enthralled by the illusion, she engrossed farther into it: she felt the soft touch of grass over her sole, the fleeing caress of the autumn leaf over her raised cheek, the sweeping embrace of the wind over her outstretched fingers, the basking warmth of sunbeams over her profound forehead – and she, danced in the wake of joy that possessed her in that moment of illusion.

Even when the illusion began to fade, she kept on dancing.

This was her true identity – one that she had masked behind the stoic facade of a traditional bride.

Although the illusion, had been but an illusion – it gave rise to a euphoria that came only when one encroached upon their true identity; an identity unhampered, untarnished.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

She stayed her dance abruptly as the strident knocks shook her from the last vestiges of the illusion.

“Time has come for you to come downstairs now!” a voice echoed from the other side.

All that she had rebelled against in that moment of illusion, once again ran awash her; the much dreaded-words resonating in her ears: duty, obedience, honor, tradition, appeasement trampled on all the feelings that had been raised in that brief tempest of emotion and now, nothing remained but a void of emptiness, drained of all euphoria.

The flames that had been stoked by rage and fueled by revulsion; that had danced in the darting moments when it was eminent in joy; now lay quenched into smoldering ashes.

The illusion was over and reality reared its head again: and so, she settled before the gilt-edged mirror again and began to piece together the shards of the facade that she had dared to break in that fleeting moment of euphoria.

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Living the Facade

Hori went on,” You know that in all tombs there is always a false door?”

Renisenb stared. “Yes, of course.”

“Well, people are like that to. They create a false door to deceive. If they are conscious of a weakness, of inefficiency, they make an imposing door of self-assertion, of bluster, of overwhelming authority – and, after a time, they get to believe in it themselves. They think, and everybody thinks, that they are like that. But behind that door, Renisenb, is bare rock …”

                  Extract from Death Comes As the End, Agatha Christie

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He stared at his cold reflection; brazen, obdurate, unyielding.

Nothing was remotely soft about his remarkably waxen face. His mouth curved in an arrogant sneer, was dipped with a chilling menace. A definite glint of denial gleamed from the corner of his eyes; the curves of his face, firm and taut in a strange malevolence were disconcerting to watch – his entire demeanor enwrapped in shrouds of dark misery.

But there was something amiss: something out of place in the carefully-crafted masquerade.

He cast a nervous glance around; afraid that people might see him in his greatest moment of vulnerability – the moment when he laid bare all the sheaths of rage and defiance with which he had so deftly covered himself.

There was no one here. No one but him. Accompanied by no one but the stubborn reflection that refused to look away. There was no need of a facade anymore. The cocoon in whose depths he ensconced safely, whenever he stepped outside, was of little use now.

In the overwhelming solitude of the dimly-lit room, he relaxed.

Assured that nobody lurked in the womb of the insidious shadows, he ripped apart the foremost sheath of cruelty; revealing his genteel frame.

Then came the turn of the sheath of arrogance; slashing it apart, the sneer transformed into a genuine smile.

Sheath of malevolence came next; and was torn apart into wisps, unveiling a quivering jawline.

With adrenaline gushing through his blood, he kept tearing apart the sheaths, until he reached the last and the most profound: the sheath of denial, the one sheath most deeply placed in the nadirs of his soul – and that too was cleaved apart, leaving behind a pleasant murkiness in the eyes that had till then gleamed only in defiance.

The mask had been shredded into a mass of meaningless lacerated sheaths. The facade was gone; and he stood there, in front of his reflection – the nakedness of his soul more evident than ever. Susceptible and hunted, as he felt that moment, however could not alleviate the bliss of identity that had jolted his veins. This was him; the real him.

Minutes ticked away; but his gaze never wavered from the reflection, hungrily feasting on his true identity.

BEEP! BEEP!

The cell phone rang.

He flinched; as the charm of the moment was broken.

He picked up the phone and glancing perfunctorily at the caller ID, which read “Just Another Hypocrite from the Outside World,” – said, “Hello” in a dead voice.

After listening for a few minutes, he muttered blankly,” Yes, I’ll be there,” and ended the call. He had just been pitched back into the brutal nothingness of the world outside; to once again don a mask and join that mammoth masquerade ball, affectionately called as world. Numb, he stared dumbly at his true identity – flimsy it seemed; shaky, trembling, one that could easily be browbeaten.

It was a choice; a choice with no difficult answer – either to go with his true identity and get hurled around or to resume the facade and hurl other people around.

He did not hesitate.

And, crouching on the cold floor, he painfully began to collect the shards of the mask that he had broken apart so joyously in that rare moment of rebellion – and now, that the tempting moment had been brought to an end, he chose to blotch his identity once again and start to put back together the farce with which he had deceived many.

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Pictures are shots taken from the anime, Requiem for the Phantom.

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