Closure

 

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It has taken me quite a while to write this post; kept writing and erasing and rewriting it all over again, abandoning countless drafts – just because I did not want to sound corny.

Five years back, at the very start of med school, I had decided to chronicle my days of undergraduate life on this blog – I had recently read Erich Segal’s Doctors – and I was very motivated. Consistent with my personality (and sheer laziness), this motivation did not last beyond two days (can be found here and here.)

As it happens, I wrote the prologue back then, lived the subsequent chapters and now I am writing an epilogue of sorts; just to tie up some loose ends for once in my life. Downton Abbey, Naruto, everything seems to be ending. It is a season of closure and I believe it is high time I offered the same courtesy to my resolutions, even if this particular one was made five years back.

What is so surreal about graduation is how vividly I remember some days; as if some iota of my being is still reliving them all simultaneously. I remember bunking classes and going to the BDS cafeteria just for their fries. I remember the never-ending surprise birthday parties. I remember the Reading Hall shenanigans, the Dissection Hall study sessions. I remember the Voice of LUMHS’ brainstorming meetings, the frantic art assembling for the Top Ten Ceremony. I remember the sneaky nails of the lecture hall benches that always managed to get snagged in my jeans. I remember the impromptu hangouts, the 1000-comment posts. I remember the petty fights, the long-held grudges. I remember witnessing the fights transforming into lasting friendships, the grudges slowly fading with time. I remember the happy moments, the missed opportunities, the crests and troughs of friendships.

Even as I reminisce, I realize how different I am from the person of five years ago.  My patience, my fortitude has slowly chipped away along with all pretense of diplomacy in the incessant drama of med school – I have learnt what battles to fight, what battles to retreat from and what battles to just … let go. It has not been an easy process and I am not sure I have got it down perfectly as well. But, hey, if there is anything I have learnt in these five years, is how to be comfortable with my own opinion and to stand by it.

Back then, I had talked about the fear of applying knowledge we acquire in med school on actual patients – now I realize that fear never really goes. You instead take it up as a companion, always there to remind you to do the best for your patients.

So, yes, I have no idea how cynical or conscientious or different I would be in the next few years, but I do know this: I will always try to remember these moments of five years as vividly as I do today.

 

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4 thoughts on “Closure

  1. Wishing you luck for everything that is yet to come. I am sure it will be all wonderful like the years you spent as an undergrad. ❤

  2. Marium Saeed says:

    Well-done. Enjoyed reading it 🙂
    ‘if there is anything I have learnt in these five years, is how to be comfortable with my own opinion and to stand by it.’ Best!
    Our undergraduate life days were really unforgettable. Best wishes for the future. 🙂

  3. emphadiate says:

    Wowsers. The time we spend in these institutions are like a lifetime in themselves, and it’s understandable how you can be so nostalgic even though you haven’t quite left the place yet. You learn, you grow and in the end all of it is for the best.

    I wish you the best of luck in future, in everything you embark on. Though the next step may be daunting, remember your ‘prologue’, that there indeed was a first day to what’s ending now, once. You get through it.

    Very well written.

    xx

  4. notbadgluteus says:

    So relatable!! Although the time spent in med school would feel insignificant pretty soon . 🙂

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