Fits of Sullens

Happiness is not a destination, it is a mood.

Heard this on One Tree Hill and it has not left my mind since.

The better part of this year, I have wished (to be exact: desperately wished) to become happy. Hoping for something unexpected to happen that would make me feel that rush of adrenaline associated with unfettered happiness.

In the grips of this hope, I became moody, irritable, sullen, withdrawn, susceptible to instant mood swings. It’s ironic that wishing for happiness actually made me more unhappy than ever.Β  Ungrateful, some would scoff at me (they must have). I had a great family, great friends, everything I needed, a career I knew I would succeed in – yet I felt lost, astray. All I knew was that I wanted to be happy – and it became my goal.

Moreover, this desire for happiness brought with it the gnawing sense of guilt. How could I be unhappy when God has granted so much to me already? Why do I have to be so ungrateful?

But now I realize the absurdity of my wish. Happiness is just a mood, like hunger. It comes and goes. It is never meant to be a destination. And that, it is okay for me to be miserable once in a while – all that matters is whether I bounce back or not.

A wonderful, conspiratorial conversation with a good friend; a particularly juicy pomegranateΒ  staining your mouth; the satisfying sound of your fingers hitting the keys whilst typing your epiphany; a cathartic walk with your favorite music blaring in your ears – these are my happiness and I intend to cherish them as much as I can.

Whether I stay true to this intent, is another story for another day.

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20 thoughts on “Fits of Sullens

  1. This is just Awesome πŸ˜€ It’s factual that Happiness is like hunger which grows day by day which can never be accomplished no matter how much we endeavor … The more we run after it, the more it leaves us miserable. What I deeply believe in, is that the main reason for own despondency is that we search for happiness in others rather than in our own selves. The day when we will start creating happiness instead of searching it, that day we would actually give our life a purposeful meaning πŸ™‚ Really loved the way you composed it.. Simply the truth ! πŸ˜€

    • Anas Shafqat says:

      Thanks for your wonderful comment; it humbles me.
      Indeed, pursuit of happiness is never-ending (whether set upon it by searching it in other people or materialistic things) and inevitable. It is basic human nature to desire happiness – yet to seize its idea and get obsessed with it is just not right. I have realized that and so I hope more of the little happy moments would happen to me.
      Thank you for your views! πŸ™‚

  2. Hira Nazir says:

    Very well written. It reads pure, true and quite clear. Awesome. (Y)
    Esp this is the best one , “It’s ironic that wishing for happiness actually made me more unhappy than ever”. (Y)

    • Anas Shafqat says:

      Thank you very much! πŸ˜€
      And, yes I churned out this line when I was furiously typing. It is so nice to write again. I had forgotten how satisfying it is.

      P.S I was half-expecting something like this from when I saw the notification of your comment – “I have come to annoy you here as well .. MUAHAHAHA xD” πŸ˜€

  3. Pirbhat S.Memon says:

    Alright Anas:)
    I agree to this like anything.
    The ending ❀

  4. Furree Katt says:

    What were the conspiratorial talks about? How we are living in the system of Dajjal? That Lady Gaga and Lil Wayne are slaves of the Illuminati? How government officials can track you through bar codes on the products you buy? That there are still cults in the elite who have a fetish for human blood? PLEASE TELL ME I’M A CONSPIRACY NUT

  5. farwamanekia says:

    Just want to say Thank you. You somehow inclined me to appreciate grief and misfortunes. The little things, the insignificant ones are truly to be valued and seized. The real happiness! You are a great writer πŸ™‚

    • Anas Shafqat says:

      I should be the one saying thank you for your wonderful comment. πŸ™‚
      Indeed, the little things should be cherished above all πŸ™‚
      I’m glad my words triggered an epiphany for you as well! πŸ™‚
      Keep dropping by πŸ˜€

  6. Hira says:

    Amazing how jus a single sentence can hold such depth.
    It realy is a wonderful write up its one thing for a sentence to hav depth quite another how one can b so inspired by it πŸ™‚
    Hope ur epiphany helps u to b happy now and like u said appreciate the little things :p
    U reli expressd d nothion beautifully. Keep it up. πŸ™‚
    N b more regular :p

    • Anas Shafqat says:

      Thank you so much for the lengthy comment πŸ˜€
      It makes me happy that you came back to comment. One of those happy little moments I mentioned up there.
      And, yeah I would try to do that. πŸ˜€

      • Hira says:

        u r welcome =)
        ofc i ws guna come baq n commnt dun i alwaz? :p i jus din hav d tym at dat moment. so nw dat i had tym i thot i shud write a properly long commnt πŸ˜›
        n yay u reli did update it quickly dis tym arnd πŸ˜›

  7. sad? go cry a river, fuss about yourself, read sad stories and listen sad music but champ! wake up at the side of bed like a Winner. life is to savor each moment, content or contempt and I can guarantee you always have felt WONDERS after each fit of sullen. See God has got Plans πŸ˜‰

  8. and corretion please! *happiness ain’t a destination but journey πŸ˜› (just saying)

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