Broken Illusions: The True Identity of Mohsin Hameed by Anas Shafqat & Mr. Animus

I’m back. Yes, with another sizzling article, filled with a delightful cornucopia of more “snoops” and scandals, destined to make your stomachs rumble with pleasure. Being a writer, it’s only natural that I exaggerate the merits of my report – yet, I can guarantee you that the following write-up contains such information about a particular person, which is known only to a few people.

The person under question is no other than, Mohsin Hameed, one of the Nature’s weirdest specimens. Weird as in, that he himself invited us to peep into his life and expose his if not darkest, the oddest incidents of his life – I still remember him saying – “I wonder what you’ll write for me.”

Well, you don’t have to wonder much longer. With Mr. Animus, our resident expert on scandals let the curtains open and the truth be revealed:

A Perfect Maid –

How often do we see our mothers complaining when the maids fail to turn up? Very often. But in the household of Mohsin Hameed no such complaints are made. “A Perfect Maid”, Mohsin Hameed is not only an expert at cooking food but he is also known for washing dishes, cleaning rooms, laundering the clothes. But he has one more skill which would delight the ladies. YES, Ladies, Mohsin Hameed has also remarkable hairdressing abilities. Not for you, of course, gentlemen. A source has revealed that Mohsin admiringly braids the hair of the ladies, knotting and plaiting them beautifully. And, he does that on regular basis.

When I queried Mr. Animus about this revelation, he commented,

Frankly these things aren’t surprising, if you bother to connect them. Now it isn’t rocket science, but again I’m pointing no fingers, just saying that it’s a way of life which the Canadian Government has already accepted.”

I naively asked, What kind of life style you’re talking about?”

Mr. Animus replied with a smile, Only Canadian Government has accepted gay marriages.”

Oh. I understood then. Following snoops supplemented my understanding.

The “Bazaar Wali” or the “Bazaar Wala”? –

Curious heading, isn’t it? The source who divulged this snoop came out rather easily; no wheedling was required. All we had to ask the question and information popped out. It said rather smugly,

“Since he goes to market so much, I tease him by saying that he has a girl there that he goes to meet there, and he ACCEPTS it. Hence, he has a “bazaar wali”!” –

Now this is some startling dirt.

At this, Mr. Animus says, The possibility of a bazaar girl is very high as he has flirted with every girl he has met. But as the famous proverb states things are often not as they appear. So I wouldn’t rule out the possibility of a bazaar wala. In fact, I consider it a very plausible possibility.”

Interesting comment, no? There is more to come, people.

The Cat of Confused Gender –

Brace yourselves, ladies and gentlemen,  for this snoop – it even surprised our thick-skinned Mr. Animus. YES, upon much wheedling a source revealed something that has astonished us greatly – he says revealingly,

” Mohsin once had a cat whom he thought to be male, until HE gave birth to kittens.”

Wide-eyed, we questioned the source again, not believing this absurdity. But the source repeated what it had said earlier with more fervor and we had to believe it.

Upon much reflection, we came to the conclusion that a person, who is confused about the gender of a cat, with very much probability can be confused about his own gender as well. Who knows that the Mohsin we know is not a he or even a she, but something in between? Who knows that the Mohsin we know is actually Mohsina?

Mr. Animus comments rather wryly,Well, it could be so. Just imagine Mohsin or in this case Mohsina, not that hard to imagine as some might believe, for he is an ace in the kitchen and has the natural girl “I’m always right” personality to match.”

So is Mohsin in truth hiding his true identity? His confusion about his own gender, his impressive maid-like characteristics, his admirable hair-dressing abilities and his keeping a bazaar wala – all these things I’m sure would leave no doubts in your mind about the true identity of Mohsin Hameed.


8 thoughts on “Broken Illusions: The True Identity of Mohsin Hameed by Anas Shafqat & Mr. Animus

  1. mahn00r says:

    rofl hahahah i likes 😛

  2. moh says:

    Lol.. ok.. now lemme get a dictionary first.. well i must say that mr animus and mr anus have come up with a great article and have TRIED their best to infiltrate in innocent people’s mind and manipulate them against meh.. well the very reason for this is cuZ they are jealous from meh.. as mr Anus already had his life got disturbed cuZ of his relations with sum unknwn girl in school times.. and mr animus who I suppose is none other than mr waleed khalid had his own scandals posted on the very blog not very long ago.. 😛

    and i’m very much sure about my gender, atleast i dun have my nipples 2 inches away from my chest like mr animus here :p
    and from what i have seen in picture if i were to draw an anus it wud be like (_x_) <— this.. oh wait no.. its crappy..

    "Since he goes to market so much, I tease him by saying that he has a girl there that he goes to meet there, and he ACCEPTS it. Hence, he has a “bazaar wali”!” – ah well again truth modified a bit to make it suspicious and exciting.. i was asked that why i go to market so much and i replied that i have a market wali.. oh and the person who gave that info doesn't tease me with it.. infact she gets teased by it 🙂

    ” Mohsin once had a cat whom he thought to be male, until HE gave birth to kittens." – I never was that much close to cats nor I am right now.. I just asked a friend of mine and he told meh that its a male cat.. and i just said okay.. neways it gave birth to 3 kittens a few months later.. well neways as mr animus mentioned about rocket science.. nething can happen.. a male cat giving birth to kittens isnt really as shocking as a rocket goin up mr animus' arse 😛

    well thats it for now 😛 do remind me if a comment is posted here so i may check it :p neways nice try kids 🙂 better luck next time xD

  3. Anas Shafqat says:

    Well, Moh that was a VERY thorough defense, but it does nothing – it only supplies more credibility to the snoops that we’ve revealed in the report :p If you would’ve shrugged your shoulders and not actually cared to write all this stuff, it would have been ok. But now its nice to see that MOH DOES CARE ;p a very amusing defense :p

    @ Mano – Lol, great! -pats-

  4. moh says:

    well ofc I do care about what my FRIENDS say about meh :p but it really doesn’t meant all i care about is true =p sumtimes u gotta give shit to ur friends’ shitty truth to save their sorry respect in public :p

    • Anas Shafqat says:

      Haha you honestly think this is goin to ruin your reputation? :p Anybody with half a brain would realise that it is more exaggeration then truth :p But .. I guess that can’t be said for u 😀

      @ Arfat – Well itz fun 😛

  5. arfat says:

    i liked da part abt da cat…u guys carry on bitching wid each oda

  6. Animus says:

    I smell something burning. 🙂

  7. moh says:

    ur nipples maybe 😛

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