Life and Lies of an Akhrot [WALNUT]

Life and Lies of an Akhrot [WALNUT]

By Anas Shafqat and Mr. Animus

Salman Latif – a composed, reserved individual, a renowned debater, a
brilliant writer – that is, what most of us know about this unusual
person. However, in this report, I shall unveil some startling truths
and this pooled with the candid analysis of Mr. Animus, our resident
expert on scandals, we heretofore embark on a journey to understand
that “all that glitters is not gold.”

Walking tightly on the line that separates diplomacy from hypocrisy,
Salman Latif has always acted poised and unruffled in even the most
trying situations – but is he really as composed as he pretends to be?
Does behind that posture of a serene peacock, in truth, a chicken
restlessly clucks? Upon investigating, a very reliable source divulged
that Salman Latif can ALSO be chickenly.  He says that once when
Salman had come to Lahore for some debate, I went up there to meet
him. There I wanted to use internet [for the general benefit of the
public, this guy is a major net-a-holic] and so we went to the
computer lab. We were happily using the net, when suddenly the lab
attendant pounced on us and demanded to see our student I.Ds.
Supposedly only students with I.Ds were allowed, and since I didn’t
have one, the lab attendant started threatening Salman that he would
complain to the authorities and have his entire team disqualified
because he had broken the rules. And, readers here comes the juicy
part, that IS, our very own unruffled, composed Salman Latif begged
the lab attendant for ONE HOUR to not rat on them! The rumors say that
Salman practically even grabbed the lab attendant’s feet! I asked Mr.
Animus as to what he thinks about it, he replies with another
question, “I think that he had a natural reaction towards it, you know
“begging” or have you not wondered how he always is on good terms with
Indeed, what Mr. Animus suggests makes a lot of sense.
However, this is a very mild scoop, compared to the crème ala crème
which is going to be served in the next few lines.

Salman Latif has always been taken to be as a straight-laced, shareef
bacha. However, all that looks shareef IS not always shareef. So in
order to prove the following statement, I set upon sniffing for a
scoop. And I DID find one. Yes, a source [upon taking some money]
revealed that, our very own Salman Latif used to jump over the gate of
his house at 3 A.M to get net cards! This sounded a bit strange to me
that, why would someone be so desperate to get online? When I
discussed this issue with Mr. Animus, he replied, “UH must be some
I had already suspected it to be so, and the statement of Mr.
Animus added weight to my suspicions.  Another statement of our bribed
source intrigued and surprised me pretty much, which was, “Once Salman
told me that he goes to all these debates because cute girls come to
Yes, people, Salman Latif DOES NOT participate in the debates
to win prizes or to deliver speeches, but to stare at cute girls! This
statement has ascertained us that Salman Latif is NOT at-all
straight-laced, but he is also a GAWKER! I have also heard rumors that
Salman has even become a STALKER now, but having not found any valid
proofs of him being so, I shall not comment on it in this report.

In the course of my investigations, a source upon much wheedling,
disclosed, “He is very obedient.” Upon asking why, the source
returned, “Once we had a fight, I kept calling him so that I could
apologize and we could get back to normal. However, he didn’t receive
and I kept on calling. Almost whole night was spent in doing so and I stopped when the call button of my cell phone stopped functioning. Next
morning, when I asked him, why didn’t he receive my calls? He replied
that you had told me that I mustn’t receive your calls until you tell
me to do so. Then I remembered I indeed had said so and he was just
being obedient.”
Interestingly, in order to spice things up a bit, I
leave the gender of the source hidden and leave it to you people to
decide whether the source was a HE or a SHE! Mr. Animus too had to
voice his opinion, he says rather slyly,” It was so stupid,
pointless and a total drag but the most important and learning part was that it just
goes to show you that they don’t make cells as they used to!”

To summarize this report I asked for the help of Mr. Animus, who whole heartedly agreed and replied with the following golden words, “Salman Latif is one of a kind. Knowing the fact that he is cute he participates in all the events he can except for studying and if I remember my probability lessons correctly, the probability of him coming out victorious is very high… in more than one way. He portrays to be, “the oh so naïve and SHAREEF bacha” though inside he is always laughing at every dirty joke that is being thrown about. So, if you think you have hidden something from him and that you really know the real him to be really SHAREEF and the guy who behaves like an akhrot. That is without a brain.… WELL MY FRIEND, THINK AGAIN!!! He is like a wolf on the prowl. He will cut you up so sweetly that you will be laughing like it tickles.”


24 thoughts on “Life and Lies of an Akhrot [WALNUT]

  1. M. M. says:

    Liars! Liars! Liars! 😛

  2. M. M. says:

    Anas, you’ve a blog?
    … I’d no idea! 😛

  3. M. M. says:

    I’ll comment tomorrow in detail! Too sleepy to do anything now!

  4. Dev!l says:

    Still have complaints?:P

  5. M. M. says:

    Manipulated details!! Liars! Liars! Liars!
    Both of you! Anas and Mr. Animus/whoever!

  6. Salman Latif says:

    What a candid analysis!! I had no idea paparazzi were on the run for me 😛 😛
    However, I enjoyed your spice and the concluding lines were very cleverly done. Tou mujay mil to sahi anas bachoo :@ 😀
    And btw, some accounts from ‘Mr. Animus’ were bit too ‘animated’ 😀

    In the end, I’d reiterate – I’m a shareef guy and nothing in this world would ever change it. Hahaha! 😀

  7. Dev!l says:

    On account of anas it would be my pleasure to say xD nannanananananannana phhhhbttttt =P

  8. LVII says:

    rofl ^^

    now thats wot i was tokin about… XP


  9. Hira says:

    interesting info!! :p

  10. Animus says:

    I make no jokes, neither do I tell lies. I just observe facts and state them as they stand. Thank you. =P

  11. mughees ilyas says:

    wow =p
    i already knew these
    maybe i know some more
    too xp

  12. Black says:

    Oh my..!! Good to know this about this side of Salman Latif as well. 😀
    What a fit post!

  13. Salman Latif says:

    Lol! Now see what you’ve done Anas 😀

  14. Anas Shafqat says:

    @ Momal – There might be some exaggerations in this report, but not even one thing is a lie 😛 Animus would bear testimony to it :p

    @ Salman – Hahaha 😛 On account of me it would be my pleasure to say xD nannanananananannana phhhhbttttt 😀

    @ Mughy – Lol. I would ask you next time 😀

    @ Animus – That was a solemn statement from your side 😀 Wow. Btw, I can FINALLY view my blog now. WordPress is working properly n.n

    @ LV11 – Tyvm 😀

    @ Black – Thanks =]

  15. Dev!l says:


  16. M. M. says:

    Anas: Well – yes, there are lies! Manipulations! I noticed one myself! Ask Waleed! 😛

  17. M. M. says:

    I just can’t! 😛

  18. mahlaqa says:

    great job guys 🙂

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